That awkward moment when you think something is a Saturday Night Live sketch but it’s actually a real movie scene…
You need this. I need this. We all need this. This is what the internet was invented for. Not worldwide communication or advancement of the human race. It was so everyone could get access to ten hours of a ten second edit of a Nickelback song.
I’m currently on a train carriage that looks like this:
We just pulled up to a station where five people got on the carriage. One of them sat right beside me.
Right. Beside. Me.
The train, from my seat, now looks like this:
And yet someone is now on the seat next to me. She is elbowing me in the side as I type this.
Are these people creatures of habit? Is that her “regular” seat? Does she ache for the body warmth an (angry) stranger on the train will provide? Or is she just thick?
For anyone who does a daily commute, you will know what it’s like being squashed together in a big can twice a day every day. And you will know the unbridled joy when there’s a quiet train and space to move in. There’s etiquette. Simple etiquette. If everyone pays attention, we can all have the space we need.
What’s so hard about that?
People just ignore this, though. It keeps happening! Either they’re right beside you or right across from you so you both have no leg room, even when they can sit diagonally and you’ll both be happy.
Listen, general public. Personal space is a big thing, stop ignoring it. If there are a multitude of free seats, don’t fuck it up by sitting next to someone when you don’t have to.
Think of it like a urinal, nobody wants neighbours when there’s no need to.
If it was a urinal, I’d probably piss on your shoes.
Is it just me, or do these reusable sandwich wrappers remind you of sanitary pads?
At least you know your lunch is safe in the office fridge. If someone steals a chilled sanitary pad, chances are you’ve got a really weird colleague and should be frightened for your life.
Bonus jingle video:
WOAH BODYFORM! BODYFORMED FOR YOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!
Ever sang a song without realising the words you’re actually saying out loud?
I just did that with Blue’s ‘Too Close’ (I was having a 90s/00s boyband flashback day, don’t judge me):
Baby when we’re grinding
I get so excited
Ooh, how I like it
I try but I can’t fight it
Oh, your dancing real close
Plus real real slow
You’re making it hard for me
I don’t know which is worse: catching yourself singing about an accidental dancefloor erection, or the music industry for making it into a music video:
If you haven’t seen this video yet, watch it. The next time you worry about looking like a weirdo, just remember there’s someone out there who practiced this over and over then thought ‘I’m going to film this and put it to music’.
I’m strangely impressed.
Is it just me, or does this model look really uncomfortable?
She looks like she’s getting some air up in there.
Have you ever read something so completely unexpected that you sit silently staring at the screen? That just happened to me reading this news story from a few days ago: Woman gives birth outside Birmingham Primark.
Giving birth outside isn’t that shocking, and I’m not exactly surprised it happened near a Primark. It was the statement from an ‘eye witness’ that had me stunned.
“Everyone was crowding the woman and after about five minutes everyone was clapping,” she said. “Everyone was throwing money at her. She got about £300 to £400.”
Just… what? People were throwing money at a woman who just gave birth on a pavement? What?! It’s not like the pavement screamed sanitary in the first place. Let’s throw some well handled money in there!
And since when did flashing a placenta equate to busking?! Unless she strummed the opening bars to Wonderwall with it, there’s no reason to throw money at her. It’s all a bit bizarre.
Looking for the perfect birthday gift for someone who’s into their ‘vintage finds’? Etsy has you covered with this, eh, rather interesting antique necklace:
It’s a beauty, yes? By beauty, I mean ‘creepy, creepy, creepy weird thing that would cause me to freak out knowing it was in or anywhere near my house’.
Just look at the detail. Look at it.
I’m not going to lie – I’m a little worried I’ve even looked at the pictures. That necklace is definitely the start of a real life horror movie.