I decided on Tuesday to start using that Dove Summer Glow moisturiser with fake tan in it for a night out I’m going to on Saturday. It’s the second time I’ve ever attempted fake tan, and I think it’s going to be the last. My legs look like big smoked sausages. Embrace the pale, ladies. For my sanity and the sanity of semi-transparent skinned people everywhere, embrace the pale. I don’t enjoy wandering around looking like a platter of cured meats.